OK, where the hell does English get its words? And why must my mind continually worry these questions like a tongue working a loose tooth which hangs by a thread, yet refuses to fully commit to taking the plunge?
Cockroach, for instance. Did the first roach spotted by English eyes bear an undeniable resemblance to a rooster, and therefore necessitate this specific prefix to distinguish it from the non-cock variety? [ex. "I just stepped on the biggest roach." "Did it look like a cock?" "No, dude, if it had, I would have said I just stepped on the biggest cockroach. Don't you listen when people speak?"]
Dictator. Hilarious word to describe a heinous human being. Major cognitive dissonance here. Also, am defeated by this word because I dissolve into fits of hysteria at the mere mention of it. I kind of feel like I should have grown beyond this somewhere around 6th grade. High school at the latest.
Did you know that the word "literally" means both "actually" and "virtually"? Don't believe me? It's in the dictionary. So, a word which means both itself and its polar opposite. Got it. I think.
Titmouse. Now you're just f-ing with me.
Midwife, anyone? Is she working her way up to being a full wife? Was there, at some point, a quarterwife? And just exactly what did she have to do to be promoted to midwife? Never mind, I don't want to know. OK, maybe I do. No, wait. Shit. I'll have to get back to you on that one.
Yet another thing to occupy my mind. Thanks a lot, English language.
The one I don’t get is para(fill in the blank).
ReplyDeleteI know that paraplegic means the loss
of use of two limbs, and quadriplegic means the loss of all four limbs.
I would assume then that a paralegal or paramedic means someone who can’t do the whole job, only part of it.
But…does that mean there are quadralegals and qudramedics…essentially people who cannot do anything in their chosen field?
And what about parachutes? Conceivably parachute means that it won’t keep you up in the air, but will slow you down. So following the theme, I imagine when you jump with a quadrachute and pull the ripcord, a small cassette player attached to a bungee cord pops out and plays Helter Skelter all the way to impact.
Maybe.
Joseph, I knew a man once who owned a quadrachute. It was pretty rare, handed down from his grandfather, who fought bravely in the Djibouti-Franistan war of the last century.
ReplyDeleteThe on-board reel-to-reel (note, not cassette)player did indeed play a song, though it was not the one you indicated. It was actually "Puttin on the Ritz", as performed by Taco.
Ha!
ReplyDeleteYou are, dear Mustard, "literally" a font of information.
Now I have a new wrinkle in my brain.
Do you mean "literally" or "literally"?
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry, I meant "literally", not "literally".
ReplyDeleteI stand corrected. Thank you.
Your wisdom, humility and readiness to take correction have been duly noted. You are hereby promoted to the rank of midcommenter.
ReplyDeleteI congratulate you.
P.S. How is that whole ending-world -hunger thing going?
Ms. Mustard McKey,
ReplyDeleteThank you for the recognition. I accept
the proffered promotion and will do my best to uphold the standards and quality
required to hold this position.
Do I get business cards? Maybe a bigger office?
As for the world hunger project, I have adopted the following strategy, as I have deemed it the most workable and logical:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P0q4o58pKwA
Sounds like a reasonable and simple plan. Why don't we take comedians seriously?
ReplyDeleteOh, wait.
Moving on...how is it that you've managed to procure an office while I have none?
I...uh...er...well this is awkward.
ReplyDeleteLet's just never speak of it again.
ReplyDeleteAh Yes, the elephant in the room...
ReplyDeleteLet's sweep him under the rug. No one will ever know he's there.
ReplyDeleteOK - but he'll just keep getting bigger.
ReplyDeleteYeah, that damn elephant....
ReplyDelete