The government will take care of us in every aspect of our lives. All we have to do is give it more power (and money). Don't believe me? See for yourself. Success, everywhere you look.
The war on drugs has been fought and won. Nobody produces, sells or ingests illegal drugs in this country.
The creation of the U.S. Department of Education in the 1970's has resulted in American students leading the world in math, the sciences, the arts and every other sector worth leading.
Our borders are so secure, no one even dares to attempt a crossing without permission. Punishment would be swift and severe.
All the regulations and laws pertaining to firearms have taken weapons out of the hands of those who would use them to commit violent crimes. It's a good thing, too, because without these gun laws, our cities would be overrun with gangsters, big and small.
I just love sending my money to the IRS every year. Also, to my state franchise tax board. Why? Well, shit, if you have to ask, then you wouldn't understand. But, I'll tell you anyway. Every penny I contribute (completely voluntarily) is used with the utmost care to cover the debts of this country and to finance the completely necessary and not at all wasteful or redundant programs we all enjoy.
Can we talk about Social Security? That is one amazingly well-run program. It's genius, I tell you. OF COURSE you can't be trusted to invest and save your own money for your golden years. Who the hell do you think you are, anyway? Give it to the government, and don't ask any questions. THEY WILL TAKE CARE OF IT FOR YOU. Ok?
The growing problem of the online trafficking of intellectual property and counterfeit goods has one solution and one solution only. More government intervention. SOPA and PIPA. Make it happen, and online piracy will be a thing of the past. This new legislation will be 100% effective, with no chance whatsoever of it being used to abuse power.
Tomorrow, we will discuss how the Berlin Wall kept evil Western elements from corrupting the desire of the East German people to live under a socialist dictatorship.
Class dismissed.
