Poor Jorge. If his single mom doesn't get her janitorial job back, he will need to forgo college and get a job.
I guess it would be completely out of the realm of reason to wonder why he couldn't go to college while holding down (at least) a part time job. I did it. Many successful people I know, did it. I didn't realize until now what a hero I was. Or maybe the community college he was planning on attending rivals MIT in its rigorous curriculum.
Upon further reflection, I guess I can see it from his perspective. That pesky job would waste the precious off-school hours he could be devoting to marching in protests, attending rallies, and meeting with other dimwits to yell about taking power back from "the man". Or, just, you know, hanging out.
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Taking It To The Streets
First of all, a three day fast is not a hunger strike. It's a quick weight loss technique.
Secondly, let's suspend all critical thought for a moment and say that you have a good point. Do you think that intentionally closing the already stuffed-to-the-gills streets of Los Angeles, and adding hours to the abysmal commute most people endure, is going to win you support from anyone who doesn't already share your dimwitted world view?
Dumbass.
P.S. Apparently the streets no longer belong to the public. They have been annexed by the bufoons we hire to run our municipalities. Most notably, this jack-off.
Secondly, let's suspend all critical thought for a moment and say that you have a good point. Do you think that intentionally closing the already stuffed-to-the-gills streets of Los Angeles, and adding hours to the abysmal commute most people endure, is going to win you support from anyone who doesn't already share your dimwitted world view?
Dumbass.
P.S. Apparently the streets no longer belong to the public. They have been annexed by the bufoons we hire to run our municipalities. Most notably, this jack-off.
Random Musing of the Day
Every time I turn around, I'm face to face with another factoid about the legendary canine sense of smell. Apparently, it's beyond the capacity of humans to comprehend the strength, depth and sheer awesomeness of the dog's nose.
Fine.
Then, how come my dogs have to get within a hair's breadth of a massive piece of refuse recently dropped off by another of their species and lovingly sniff it from every conceivable angle, when I cringe at its malodorous cloud assaulting my senses from 17 feet away?
Friday, August 20, 2010
Don't Turn Around, Uh Oh!
That Nancy Pelosi! You sure have to give the old girl her props.
She's not content just coasting by, limiting her actions to the duties of the job for which she was elected. She wants to do more. Oh, so much more. She wants to investigate me. And you, if you happen to oppose placing a mosque in lower Manhattan.
Let's just put aside for a moment that silly little sentence we like to call The First Amendment found on the wrinkly, old and terribly outdated United States Constitution.
How does she propose to get the information she is after, and what will she then do with it? I have an inkling she hasn't thought that far ahead. Judging from the following remark, Nancy isn't exactly what you'd call a mental giant:
"I think everybody respects the right of everyone in the country to express their religious beliefs."
I suppose it's possible that I could be wrong. She actually might have gone to everybody in the country and asked them if they respect the right of everyone to express their religious beliefs.
Only thing is, I don't remember her asking me. In fact, I'm quite certain that she didn't, because I would have told her something a little different. Something more like this:
I am under no obligation to respect your idiotic expression of the irrational, backward, repressive totalitarianism you call your religion. And, by the way, if you are offended that I don't share your euphoria over the thought of cutting out your daughter's clitoris, I don't give a flying shit. Enough is enough.
OK, where was I? Oh yes, the center of worship that simply must be built within a stone's throw of the location of the massacre of thousands by a group of true believers. Surely, I'm not alone in wondering who will be footing the bill for this proposed cultural oasis.
Calls to investigate the funding for those proposing the $100 million "Cordoba House" have fallen on deaf ears, though, as New York's Mayor Mike Bloomberg has described such an investigation as "un-American."
My head is about to explode. Literally.
What the hell, now that it's obviously the inmates who are running the asylum, let's just open up the floodgates and let them all come tumbling out into the light of day. "Religious leaders" prostrating themselves at the feet of the religion of peace.
"I'm afraid that politicians have gotten hold of this and are using it to pander to extreme voices that are really Islamophobic. The real issues get lost in the battle. I think theologically, there is nothing inside of Christianity that would indicate that we are to treat people of other religions with anything but the utmost respect and friendship."
So, now I'm an extreme voice with an irrational fear of Islam? I don't know. I happen to think that my fear is highly rational. Sorry, lady, your big words don't shame me into cowering silence. I'm a brazen hussy who doesn't share your compulsion to be liked at any cost.
Something tells me that if our government finally succeeds in its quest for ultimate control of our lives, voices like this will be the first to be silenced:
Come on, people. It doesn't have to go like this. We can take things in a new direction. Who's with me?
She's not content just coasting by, limiting her actions to the duties of the job for which she was elected. She wants to do more. Oh, so much more. She wants to investigate me. And you, if you happen to oppose placing a mosque in lower Manhattan.
Let's just put aside for a moment that silly little sentence we like to call The First Amendment found on the wrinkly, old and terribly outdated United States Constitution.
How does she propose to get the information she is after, and what will she then do with it? I have an inkling she hasn't thought that far ahead. Judging from the following remark, Nancy isn't exactly what you'd call a mental giant:
"I think everybody respects the right of everyone in the country to express their religious beliefs."
I suppose it's possible that I could be wrong. She actually might have gone to everybody in the country and asked them if they respect the right of everyone to express their religious beliefs.
Only thing is, I don't remember her asking me. In fact, I'm quite certain that she didn't, because I would have told her something a little different. Something more like this:
I am under no obligation to respect your idiotic expression of the irrational, backward, repressive totalitarianism you call your religion. And, by the way, if you are offended that I don't share your euphoria over the thought of cutting out your daughter's clitoris, I don't give a flying shit. Enough is enough.
OK, where was I? Oh yes, the center of worship that simply must be built within a stone's throw of the location of the massacre of thousands by a group of true believers. Surely, I'm not alone in wondering who will be footing the bill for this proposed cultural oasis.
Calls to investigate the funding for those proposing the $100 million "Cordoba House" have fallen on deaf ears, though, as New York's Mayor Mike Bloomberg has described such an investigation as "un-American."
My head is about to explode. Literally.
What the hell, now that it's obviously the inmates who are running the asylum, let's just open up the floodgates and let them all come tumbling out into the light of day. "Religious leaders" prostrating themselves at the feet of the religion of peace.
"I'm afraid that politicians have gotten hold of this and are using it to pander to extreme voices that are really Islamophobic. The real issues get lost in the battle. I think theologically, there is nothing inside of Christianity that would indicate that we are to treat people of other religions with anything but the utmost respect and friendship."
So, now I'm an extreme voice with an irrational fear of Islam? I don't know. I happen to think that my fear is highly rational. Sorry, lady, your big words don't shame me into cowering silence. I'm a brazen hussy who doesn't share your compulsion to be liked at any cost.
Something tells me that if our government finally succeeds in its quest for ultimate control of our lives, voices like this will be the first to be silenced:
Come on, people. It doesn't have to go like this. We can take things in a new direction. Who's with me?
Monday, August 16, 2010
Dear Old Golden Rule Days
Many Los Angeles Unified School District students were compelled to start school in the dead of summer.
I'm sure there was a good reason. Let's take a look:
Got it.
The students are taught so well that we need to make sure we capture their test scores before they forget everything. In a matter of a couple of weeks off from school. This makes total sense. The best way to judge learning is through performance on tests. OK, I'm convinced.
Wait, what?
It seems that we have a dissenting opinion. Probably some radical outsider trying to stir up trouble against the teachers.
From the L.A. Times:
"You're leading people in a dangerous direction, making it seem like you can judge the quality of a teacher by … a test," said A.J. Duffy, president of United Teachers Los Angeles, which has more than 40,000 members.
Oh.
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Only the Good Die Young
Since my days as a young mustard seed, the horror stories of my parents' lives in a former Soviet republic have been the drab and dreary backdrop of my unbelievably fortunate life. To live in a country where I can speak freely, travel as I please, take advantage of the myriad opportunities available to me and know that my civil liberties are protected by my government, this I have never taken for granted.
Amerika, it was good to know you, at least for a little while.
"The destruction of words is a beautiful thing."
OK, so maybe we aren't whisked away in the dark of night for saying the wrong things.
Yet.
But I find myself increasingly censoring my speech, especially around work colleagues. You thought I write under this ridiculous name because it's cute? Come on.
Making my living as an artist, I am often outnumbered by the more enlightened among us, who so clearly see this country's evil ways and have brilliant, sure to succeed and completely original ideas about how to make things right.
Well, maybe not so original. I think Marx may have had a slight inkling just a few years ahead of them.
But, who cares? What's important is that every country that's been ruled by these principles has been a beacon of hope for the world. Take, umm ... hold on a sec, I'm sure I can come up with an example ...
Well, now that I think of it, socialism has led to nothing but tyranny and misery for untold millions.
Oh, but we'll do it right! If we just elect enough liars, sorry, progressives, to take money from the rich and big business, and parcel it out to the honest, hardworking little guy, we will be the people who finally manage to achieve utopia!
Yeah. Ok.
So, you want the government to be the arbiter of what's a fair redistribution of goods and services?
Cuba's not very far. Plus it's got gorgeous beaches. Why don't you move there for a spell and sign up as a citizen. You can always move back if you change your mind.
Oh, wait. Maybe you can't.
OK, I know, I'm being ridiculous. Why go all the way to another country when you can just fuck this one up? It's easier, involves far less packing and you can still watch your favorite daytime television programming.
Thanks to my mom and dad, I have an insider's view of what happens when the government becomes the benevolent provider.
State run hospitals lacking basics, like blankets, medicine, rooms for the sick and injured. Or nurses who bother to empty filthy bedpans you've been laying on for hours. They don't have the resources. Well, not unless you have the dough. As soon as you grease some palms, you are transformed into a guest of honor, and all the necessities, as well as a few luxuries, miraculously appear.
Standing in line for hours at a time, only to get to the front and be greeted by a surly clerk guarding shelves full of nothing. There's no more 50 kopek government bread. But, if you have a few rubles, he may find a loaf or two in the back.
Come on, that sort of thing can't happen here. We are the land of the free, the home of the brave.
Really? Is it possible that you can be so mind-numbingly naive?
Alabama, August, 2010, from AJC:
A crowd of people hoping to get federal housing assistance became unruly Wednesday morning with reports of fights breaking out in the crowd.
Thousands of people were lined up at the Tri-Cities shopping center, hoping to apply for a voucher from the East Point Housing Authority that will give them a discount on their rent.
People began lining up at the shopping center two days ago, and by Wednesday morning the crowd had grown to over several thousand people. East Point police, some wearing riot helmets, were patrolling the area. Firefighters and EMTs were attending to people who were overheating in the sun. Police from College Park, Hapeville, Fulton County and MARTA assisted in crowd control.
Felecia McGhee told the AJC she arrived around 6:30 a.m. Wednesday. She said the major problem began when people started breaking into the line and officials started moving the areas where they were handing out applications. She said she saw at least two small children trampled when the crowd rushed the building where the applications were to be handed out.
"It's a real mess out here," she said.
You said it, sister.
Amerika, it was good to know you, at least for a little while.
"The destruction of words is a beautiful thing."
OK, so maybe we aren't whisked away in the dark of night for saying the wrong things.
Yet.
But I find myself increasingly censoring my speech, especially around work colleagues. You thought I write under this ridiculous name because it's cute? Come on.
Making my living as an artist, I am often outnumbered by the more enlightened among us, who so clearly see this country's evil ways and have brilliant, sure to succeed and completely original ideas about how to make things right.
Well, maybe not so original. I think Marx may have had a slight inkling just a few years ahead of them.
But, who cares? What's important is that every country that's been ruled by these principles has been a beacon of hope for the world. Take, umm ... hold on a sec, I'm sure I can come up with an example ...
Well, now that I think of it, socialism has led to nothing but tyranny and misery for untold millions.
Oh, but we'll do it right! If we just elect enough liars, sorry, progressives, to take money from the rich and big business, and parcel it out to the honest, hardworking little guy, we will be the people who finally manage to achieve utopia!
Yeah. Ok.
So, you want the government to be the arbiter of what's a fair redistribution of goods and services?
Cuba's not very far. Plus it's got gorgeous beaches. Why don't you move there for a spell and sign up as a citizen. You can always move back if you change your mind.
Oh, wait. Maybe you can't.
OK, I know, I'm being ridiculous. Why go all the way to another country when you can just fuck this one up? It's easier, involves far less packing and you can still watch your favorite daytime television programming.
Thanks to my mom and dad, I have an insider's view of what happens when the government becomes the benevolent provider.
State run hospitals lacking basics, like blankets, medicine, rooms for the sick and injured. Or nurses who bother to empty filthy bedpans you've been laying on for hours. They don't have the resources. Well, not unless you have the dough. As soon as you grease some palms, you are transformed into a guest of honor, and all the necessities, as well as a few luxuries, miraculously appear.
Standing in line for hours at a time, only to get to the front and be greeted by a surly clerk guarding shelves full of nothing. There's no more 50 kopek government bread. But, if you have a few rubles, he may find a loaf or two in the back.
Come on, that sort of thing can't happen here. We are the land of the free, the home of the brave.
Really? Is it possible that you can be so mind-numbingly naive?
Alabama, August, 2010, from AJC:
A crowd of people hoping to get federal housing assistance became unruly Wednesday morning with reports of fights breaking out in the crowd.
Thousands of people were lined up at the Tri-Cities shopping center, hoping to apply for a voucher from the East Point Housing Authority that will give them a discount on their rent.
People began lining up at the shopping center two days ago, and by Wednesday morning the crowd had grown to over several thousand people. East Point police, some wearing riot helmets, were patrolling the area. Firefighters and EMTs were attending to people who were overheating in the sun. Police from College Park, Hapeville, Fulton County and MARTA assisted in crowd control.
Felecia McGhee told the AJC she arrived around 6:30 a.m. Wednesday. She said the major problem began when people started breaking into the line and officials started moving the areas where they were handing out applications. She said she saw at least two small children trampled when the crowd rushed the building where the applications were to be handed out.
"It's a real mess out here," she said.
You said it, sister.
Saturday, August 7, 2010
Eureka!
I've been eating well. I do my 3 sets of 12 reps every other day. Two different exercises for each muscle group. Upper body and lower. Still, I'm not quite there yet.
You, on the other hand, have got it going on! Yes, I notice you working out along side me at the gym. Well, maybe "notice" is too strong a word ...
Ok, to be perfectly honest, I've actually been trying to avoid you. But you certainly don't make it easy. Wherever I go, there you are, elbowing your way into my consciousness.
So, choosing to make lemonade out of your smelly lemons, I've taken the liberty of compiling a to-do list. Here's what I have so far. I think it's pretty comprehensive.
5 Steps To Getting Ripped, Hot and Utterly Irresistable
1. Wear sleeveless shirt to properly showcase tribal tattoo. (note to self: get tribal tattoo)
2. After every set, look in the mirror and flex while doing a small, yet noticeable, head nod in approval of what you see.
3. Grunt often. If that doesn't draw enough attention, throw in an "aaaarrrrggh" every once in a while. Remember to grimace. A lot. Adds a sense of realism and believability. And heightened drama.
4. At the end of a set, let the weights drop quickly and with as much ear-shattering clatter as possible. Extra muscle striations if everyone within a 50 foot radius winces.
5. Never use a towel between yourself and the machine. The pool of sweat you leave behind? Don't even consider wiping it off. It will serve to cool those who use the machine after you. You gotta give something back to the community, right?
And there you have it, in all its elegant simplicity. Will I follow the method that has produced your spectacular results?
Hell. Yes. I'll see you at the gym tomorrow.
And when our eyes briefly meet as we each lovingly appraise our own wondrous reflections, you will recognize my silent greeting, "Thanks, obnoxious muscle-y guy. I couldn't have done it without you."
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
Boobies
Apparently the Victoria's Secret runway is a hotbed of intellectual discourse.
To the untrained eye, the ladies merely sashay to and fro, flipping their glorious manes of hair and generally looking jaw-droppingly hot. But, a careful scrutiny behind the facade reveals the truth - they are the fortunate recipients of a well-rounded and thorough education, with heavy emphasis on philosophy, science and the law.
Now, to demonstrate the fruits of her training, VSU alumna, Gisele Bundchen:
"I think there should be a worldwide law, in my opinion, that mothers should breastfeed their babies for six months."
And you thought she was just a pretty face. You fools.
Monday, August 2, 2010
Curiouser and Curiouser
If there was any whiff of lingering hope, this puts the nail in that coffin.
Meg Whitman came on the scene like the no-nonsense outsider, here to put the business of California back on track. And she was so serious about it that she spent $71 million out of her own pocket to get our attention. Can you even wrap your mind around that figure? I know I can't. It's a crazy huge number that's as incomprehensible as the distance (17,000 light years) between us and a newly discovered world.
I voted for her in the primaries. Why? Because I trusted that she would be good for California? Because she made a lot of money in business and it would naturally follow that she would turn this state's dismal financial situation around? Not even close. It was simply a choice between Meg, who cared so much about this country that she couldn't be bothered to vote (maybe she was too busy, yeah that's it. For almost 30 years. Ok.) and freaking Governor Moonbeam.
OK, so I thought that no matter what, anyone was better than Jerry Brown. He's already shown us what he can do, and, frankly, I don't think our state will survive another Brown term. The least damaging thing that could happen with him in power is for us to concede parts of our land to foreign crime syndicates. You ask me, Arizona got off easy. They just had to give up some desert land no one wants to hang out in. California has already all but handed over our schools, prisons and hospitals. It's just a matter of time before San Francisco becomes off limits to anyone who isn't a piece-carrying criminal.
So now, Meg Whitman is running two simultaneous (and contradictory) campaigns.
And we the people are stuck with two losers, one of whom will be the "winner" we will have to live with for the next 4 years.
I just have to wonder. Who owns California? And how long before the taxpayers realize that we are the slaves that were included in the purchase?
Meg Whitman came on the scene like the no-nonsense outsider, here to put the business of California back on track. And she was so serious about it that she spent $71 million out of her own pocket to get our attention. Can you even wrap your mind around that figure? I know I can't. It's a crazy huge number that's as incomprehensible as the distance (17,000 light years) between us and a newly discovered world.
I voted for her in the primaries. Why? Because I trusted that she would be good for California? Because she made a lot of money in business and it would naturally follow that she would turn this state's dismal financial situation around? Not even close. It was simply a choice between Meg, who cared so much about this country that she couldn't be bothered to vote (maybe she was too busy, yeah that's it. For almost 30 years. Ok.) and freaking Governor Moonbeam.
OK, so I thought that no matter what, anyone was better than Jerry Brown. He's already shown us what he can do, and, frankly, I don't think our state will survive another Brown term. The least damaging thing that could happen with him in power is for us to concede parts of our land to foreign crime syndicates. You ask me, Arizona got off easy. They just had to give up some desert land no one wants to hang out in. California has already all but handed over our schools, prisons and hospitals. It's just a matter of time before San Francisco becomes off limits to anyone who isn't a piece-carrying criminal.
So now, Meg Whitman is running two simultaneous (and contradictory) campaigns.
And we the people are stuck with two losers, one of whom will be the "winner" we will have to live with for the next 4 years.
I just have to wonder. Who owns California? And how long before the taxpayers realize that we are the slaves that were included in the purchase?
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