So there I am, staring at the ceiling, naked as the day I was born, feminine hands massaging my breasts. This scenario gets only slightly less sexy when I tell you that I was at my annual "girly" exam.
"These," she says, pointing down, "are normal."
And there you have it, ladies and gentlemen. My boobs have been officially approved by a licensed professional.
Now I need to find my smelling salts. Being referred to as "normal", for perhaps the first time in my life, has given me the vapors.
P.S. Ok, what the hell are smelling salts? Other than a frequently reappearing motif in tales of Victorian times.
I have often wondered myself what these so-called smelling salts are. Will have to research that. Item # 567 on my to-do list. Seriously, though, Mustard, glad all is well in girly land, as mine (I call them Lucy and Ethel) give me no end of trouble; especially Ethel. No I am not weird, but yes, I did name my boobs. OK, maybe this is TMI, as Joey-baby might read this.... Ta, ta for now.
ReplyDeleteSmelling salts, also known as spirit of hartshorn or sal volatile, are chemical compounds used to arouse consciousness.[1][2] The usual active compound is ammonium carbonate, a colorless-to-white, crystalline solid ((NH4)2CO3·H2O).[1][3] Because most modern solutions are mixed with water, they should more properly be called "aromatic spirits of ammonia."[1] Modern solutions may also contain other products to perfume or act in conjunction with the ammonia, such as eucalyptus oil.[4] (From Wikipedia and there is way more info there than I have time to read now, but seems interesting...)
ReplyDeleteHaha, you said ta-ta!
ReplyDeleteAlso, guess what I call my girls? Yup, Lucy and Ethel.
Mustard, we are truly soul sisters. I have nothing more to say. (Enjoy that while you can.)
ReplyDeleteI feel corrupted.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, I don't think it's right to share the same names. If you go out to eat you could get them mixed up in the coat-check room. If one of you is willing to compromise, I have some suggestions to choose from:
Frick and Frack
Gumby and Pokey (my favorite)
Pork and Beans
Inch-me and Pinch-me
Bang and Olufsen
In N Out
If you need more ideas, just let me know. I'm here to help.
I almost forgot:
ReplyDeletePenn and Teller
Mr. Joey-Baby, none of those pairs of names are doing anything for me. I mean, Pork and Beans? Really? What kind of breasts have you been looking at? I'm almost afraid of the answer...
ReplyDeleteYou do have a point, though. Getting them mixed up could lead to all kinds of chaos. Or hilarity. And, I'm not willing to chance it.
So, I might consider Laverne and Shirley.
Or even Janet and Chrissy.
ReplyDeleteMaybe I could go with Thelma and Louise. However, since I happen to know that I have some years on young Mustard here, I venture to say I have called my girls Lucy and Ethel for quite some time now. And I don't feel like changing. I think Mustard and I can keep the same names for our girls--after all, we rarely leave them in the coat check room. I prefer to keep my gals encased firmly in their beige over the shoulder boulder holder while in public. Sorry Joey-baby.
ReplyDeleteNo need to be sorry Songbird. As the saying goes, I have no skin in the game, just trying to help you and Mustard avoid some incident down the line (btw, did you pick that name because of Sky King or Fleetwood Mac?). I too have some years on Mustard, but it gets me no respect.
ReplyDeleteMustard - Not Laverne and Shirley or janet and Chrissy, it's too obvious.
I have a last few suggestions for you, and then I suppose you're gonna do what you're gonna do,
Tit and Tat
Nip and Tuck
Rocky and Bullwinkle
Flora and Fauna
One Headlight and The Other Headlight
Ringo and George
Bed and Breakfast
Sturm and Drang
Wally and The Beav
That's it. I'm done with this project.
Oh, and speaking of boulder holder, the German word for bra is stopsemfromfloppin.
I remain at your service.
Well, I am partial to Shock and Awe, but Ms. Dolly Parton has dibs on those, and really, you can't compete with Dolly.
ReplyDeletePerhaps I should keep it simple and call them This One and That One.
I am partial to this version:
ReplyDeletehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AFFo1pu4q7Q&feature=related
I can see why - I agree with you.
ReplyDelete