Yesterday I was at CVS, returning a lipgloss. I loved the color, but upon unscrewing and pulling out the wand, I was greeted by a brush so wonky, it was unusable.
There I am, explaining the situation to the cashier, who just happens to be wearing latex gloves on the job. The kind that the proctologist slips on right before diving in. Hey, who am I to judge? Whatever floats your boat, lady.
Apparently, locating the lipgloss on the receipt I give her (which has a grand total of 2 items), scanning the information into the cash register and retrieving the $10 for my refund, is a task requiring intense, and completely silent, concentration. Also about 7 minutes.
So, I have plenty of time to take a look around. A display of really cool looking flashlights right at the checkout stand catches my eye. Who can't use another flashlight in their life? It might be nice to buy one and keep it in my car. As there is no price sticker on the display, I do what anyone else in my situation might do.
"How much are these flashlights?"
Cashier, pointing to the far side of the store, "There's a price scanner right over there."
I look down at the scanner two inches away from her hand. I look up at her. Can't she... isn't this where... might it not be quicker for her to.... in fact, isn't it her job....
Aww, shit. Never mind.
Umm,yeah, you were actually expecting her to do her f-ing job? You have very high expectations, there, Mustard, my friend. Anyway, it would probably have taken her another 7 minutes to scan and figure out how much the flashlight sells for. And maybe she can't count that high....do I sound bitter? I am--totally understand where you are coming from....customer service is, in fact, dead.
ReplyDeleteI have to blame songbird.
ReplyDeleteJoseph, everyone has to blame songbird. Eventually.
ReplyDeleteSongbird, I have the most "interesting" encounters with customer service-type people. I will write more frequently about them here. :)
That's okay, Joseph--any friend of Mustard's is a friend of mine....
ReplyDeleteDearest Mustard, I would love to read more about your customer service encounters--me, I prefer to order on the internet these days: okay, my computer may get hacked and my identity may be stolen but at least I do not have to deal with untrained morons who cannot count, answer a simple question, or even look me in the eye!
Well thank you Songbird, for considering me a friend.
ReplyDeleteYou should know, I'm not saying anything is your fault. I'm just blaming you, so...
I'm all about laying blame. It's fun!
ReplyDeleteNow that we're all friends, maybe I should commence calling you Joey-Baby in a Brooklyn accent. Just for fun.
I like it! Er, I mean...
ReplyDeleteI got yer Joey-Baby right here. Fugetaboutit.
And now I must fall in love with you.
ReplyDeleteWhat can I say? East coast blue collar type guys push my buttons. Even the accent makes me all goosebumpy.
How unlucky can a guy get? Just when you find you must fall in love, I find out I don’t qualify. “What a wicked thing to do”.
ReplyDeleteTo wit:
1) I’m not from the East Coast. I could probably fake the accent for an hour or two some nights, but that would be about it.
2) I’m not blue collar. I’m a capitalist pig, having founded, run and sold two industrial companies. As we speak I’m in the middle of starting up a company that will manufacture and market medical devices.
Or maybe I don’t have a collar. One day I’ll be in a suit for a meeting at Cedar Sinai, the next I’m putting out an accidental fire I started on the R&D bench. I’m very hands on.
So what can I say? I've fallen on my sword. I think you are very interesting and intriguing and…oh wait,
I could say this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RlAm9H8iHvg&feature=related
;-)
So, what you're saying is that you go to work shirtless? Awesome!
ReplyDeleteJoey-Baby, don't you know that it's rare to love someone for who they truly are? Mostly people fall in love with their idealized version of the love object, or even with just how they themselves feel around the person.
I'm still waiting for the man who will see me and love that girl. And then inspire me to be an even better version of her.
Also, hello! You ever heard the saying "variety is the spice of life"? It about sums me up. So, if you wanna play blue collar one day and shirtless capitalist pig the other (and now I'm getting goosebumpy again), I will certainly not stand in your way.
You had me at "My Vagina's Better Than Yours".
ReplyDeleteShirtless indeed. Well, maybe with a navy blazer.
You had me at "Art Garfunkel crotch".
ReplyDelete