Even the guy with the Art Garfunkel crotch quits calling.
Why? Because 3 seconds after reading it and making the connection, my insides felt like this:
From protracted, and utterly uncontrollable, hysterical laughter.
Congratulations, JRN. If you'd like to say a few words, the floor is yours.
Thank you…thank you…please, no…
ReplyDeletethank you…you’re all too kind…thank you…please, be seated…
I uh, never thought I would win this award so I didn’t have a speech prepared. I hope you’ll all bear with me through this.
First I would like to say that I am going to work towards world peace, and to end world hunger.
Thank you…thank you…you’re too kind…
And I vow to fix those things in my lifetime, before they kill somebody. Thank you…thank you…
I would like to thank everyone everywhere for everything.
I would like to thank Clint Eastwood because we have the same birthday.
I would like to thank Caligula for his influence on our society and culture and how he channels himself through our celebrities and politicians to guide us into being the best we can be.
And most of all, I thank Mustard McKey, who believed in me when no one else would, who guided, nurtured and encouraged me, who was always there for me as a mentor, friend, lover, confidant, coach and manager.
I accept this award for you, Mustard…
Thank you…thank you…
Truly, a heartfelt and heartwarming speech. No one deserved this award more than you, JRN.
ReplyDeleteNow, what's this lover business?
Well, I hope you're not offended. It did lend a heightened sense of personal drama to the speech, don't ya think?
ReplyDeleteDude, it's my mission in life to be offended and pissed off. Did you forget where you are? Take a look around.
ReplyDeleteI also figured that, wearing all those hats of responsibility in your life, I'd be beyond exhausted and no good as a lover. To anybody. Even myself. And I can't abide a job not well done. Let's just say it brought up some self-worth issues.
Thanks a lot, Joseph.
Nice name reveal, by the way.
Did you also buy into those parts about ending world hunger etc.?
ReplyDelete(insert raspberry sound here)
Yes, of course.
ReplyDeleteNow get to work.