I Touch Myself

 And now, so does every officious, glassy-eyed, self-important moron standing between me and my airplane ride.



Wait. What's that? All I have to do is say that I am Muslim and object to it on religious grounds, and my privacy rights will be respected? Done and done! I wonder if I can find a hijab for cheap on ebay. Added bonus? Thirty minutes of hair drying/styling time saved.

As the United States government continues its assault on the good people of this country, I wonder if I should buy stock in disposable speculums.  It's only a matter of time until someone smuggles explosives inside their lady parts and we will all need to be, ahem, examined before we can move about the country. You know, for the safety of everyone.

Here's a crazy idea. I know, I know it will never work, but, what the hell it's worth a try. Just hear me out.

What if we, you know, take a look around the world and find a country that actually has airport security policies that work?




The We Won't Fly Plan for Defeating TSA Porno-Scanners and Airport Rent-a-Gropers from George Donnelly on Vimeo.


http://wewontfly.com/

Kindly Shut Up

Ok, let me get this straight. She would rather have him be a terrorist with non-Muslim ties? What the hell is this lunatic even talking about?

Hey, Contessa, why don't you move to Tehran, where you can finally enjoy the freedom of full self-expression. You know, because the rest of us intolerant dullards, who want to write off people who believe that it's ok to kill innocents, are so obviously cramping your style. I'll even throw in a parting gift. Your starter burka is on me. No need for thanks. I'm a giver, it's what I do.