Do As I Say and No One Gets Hurt: toilet paper

Showing posts with label toilet paper. Show all posts

Monday, April 26, 2010

Annoyance of the Day

When I can't find the end of the toilet paper roll in a public bathroom, and I just sit there and impotently roll it around 83 times like a dumbass.

Things People Have Said to Mustard

Names withheld because I felt like it.

"I get all stiff and nervous when I'm around you."

"You're really weird."

"I don't know you at all."

"You make my heart beat fast."

"You're just angry with me because I care about you."

"I can read you like a book."

"You take everything way too seriously."

"You smell so good."

"You're like a dude. With boobs."

"You give love a bad name."

"People think you're all stuck up and shit. But, you're the goofiest chick I know."

"I'm afraid of you."

"When I said that I was in love with you, I meant that I wanted to be."

"You have way too much energy. How do you expect any man to keep up with you?"

"You don't care for diamonds? Are you sure you're a girl?"

"I wish you were my mommy."

"You're just too sensitive."

"You make me think dirty thoughts."

"There's something wrong with you."

"You're my favorite person."